Raccoons and why the earth seems to stand still when you are in a room without windows.

I opened the refrigerator door and stared at the brightly-lit insides for about two minutes.

It’s difficult to love invisible things.

I closed the refrigerator door, made my way into the other kitchen, and opened the other refrigerator. The Korean chicken barbeque was in a glass Pyrex dish. The soup was in a glass Pyrex bowl. I pulled the bowl out first, subconsicously slamming it down on the table.

There are two things I am: ridiculously sensitive, and ridiculously ideal.

Not as ideal now as I was before, mind you. And twice as pessimistic. Still pretty sensitive, but I will never admit to people that I am sad, unless the reason is quite obvious, and unless I need to. Sometimes, it is better to keep everything inside and store your pain in a little glass box and label it DNE. It works unless you’re someone who tends to overthink things.

Which I am. Sadly. Somehow, my train of thought led to God again, a while ago. Haha.

It’s a trivial speck of an issue, this thing that I am griping about, but it points to a bigger picture.

I feel so disconnected, but outside-Hannah (head knowledge Hannah–the one who is sensible) tells me that this feeling is baseless and nonsense and My, my, what a sensitive little thing you are. Again. As always. I follow head knowledge Hannah. She spares the rest of my friends hours and hours of unimportant whining, she spares them wasted time.

Cy stopped walking. We were on the way to the library. He looked at me. I was complaining that Joanna got hugs, and I did not.  “You don’t cry to me.” he stated.

I looked up, raised an eyebrow. “No, I don’t.”

I’m inside another box. That box is on an island, that island is a legend on a map, the existence of which is also a legend. I have to wait for some pirate to find me before I’m eaten by crabs. Before I die of starvation. Before I simply decide not to exist.

It is times like these that the what-if scenarios mill through my head.

Head knowledge Hannah says there are better things to think about. More things that need to be finished, and better ways to spend your time so–Get off the internet and rearrange your priorities, you’re not yet done.

—

She folds her arms and stares down at me, and there I am, liquid everywhere, scrutinized under every kind of light. She puts her fingers to my face and rearranges it.

:3